Ophelia Crane

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News!

Anybody want to buy a book???

Posted by Lokispark Publications on August 23, 2015 at 1:50 AM

The storm clouds gather at the building's peak. A rumble echos against the stone walls and streaks of lightning shoot across the sky. I look down at my creation. Months and months of hard work finally its final stages. The shape that I have created shall move forward into the world and into history.


I press the button. The sky cracks open to herald its arrival. I laugh. Ripples of uncontrollable laughter well up and explode out of my body. I fall into hysteria as the internet lights up, spreading my words through cyberspace. I scream, words coming forth in a mad shriek.


Okay, okay, so that was a little dramatic. But how exciting! The book is finally out!


The final proof came in and the book finally looks like I wanted to - well, 97 percent of what I wanted it to look like anyway. The point is - It's here!

 


So, yeah, that thing I've been talking about for a while now is finally on the market. Now. Now comes the hard part.

 


The hard part is marketing, of course. How do I convince you, my dear and only friends, that my book is the best book that has ever been in the history of the world? Surely if you've come this far, you don't need all that much convincing.
So, this next part is just for the newbies. The people who liked my Facebook page with a "Well, this looks interesting" thought in mind. Gather round!

 


The Pride: Sacrifice! The new novel from author Ophelia Crane has just dropped today! For only 12.95 you can be thrilled by the exciting adventures Saro and Mainor - Princes of the jungle!


The tale follows the maneaters of Tsavo and their mission to protect their hunting grounds from The Great Iron Snake as it rips through the jungle, destroying the land and its inhabitants!

 


Don't miss this exciting first installment in The Pride series! Don't miss the thrills! The chills! The explosions! Oh, the humanity!


The book has been herald as the greatest work of this generation! The words just jump out at you and dance all over your living room floor, then run outside and invite all your neighbors over for a party!

 


But that's not all! If you buy this book today, world peace will be declared all over the planet! A virtual utopia will spring up from the depths of the Atlantic Ocean and we will all share a coke and sing in harmony!

 


It is the greatest book of all time! But don't take my word for it! Neil Gaiman might've said: "I tried reading it, but my mind was blown! Literally! I'm still picking up bits of brain matter in my rug! It's that good!" And I heard President Obama calls it: "A triumph for mankind! We can forget about going to Mars! The Pride: Sacrifice has reached the pinnacle of all works for humanity!" Stephen King kind of said: "After reading Ms. Crane's novel, I said 'That's it. I don't have the will to write anymore. I'm going back into retirement.'"


So buy it! Discover what is taking the world by storm! It is The Greatest Book in All of Human History!

The Pride: Sacrifice. Available now!

Thank you! Thank you!


Yeah, so okay, maybe some of that wasn't true - but buy the book anyway! It's still pretty awesome!

 

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